The big day
Friday, June 18, 2010
How we got engaged
Joe: I knew that I was going to need to talk to Abi's dad about the engagement before it happened, just as I had talked to him about courting her back in March. I was fully prepared for a very long discussion as the courtship discussion had been quite lenghty, so I was pleasantly surprised when, on June 5th, I approached her dad and, after perhaps 15 minutes of discussion and prayer, I had my answer. Right before I left for home I asked to measure Abi's finger "just in case" I went shopping. That night while I sat at work with absolutely nothing to do, Abi and I began planning our wedding via AOL Instant Messenger before I'd officially asked her to marry me and she'd officially said yes.
One thing I did before going to work that night was to look at rings online. I found one set that I particularly liked which included the engagement ring, her band and mine. When we got to talking about it while chatting, she mentioned that if she could have one request, it would be to not have a stone that sat too high above the band. Figuring the set I had found was going to be ruled out, I sent her the link and while she said it was definitely pretty, the stone sat higher than she wanted for practicality purposes. Nuts. She sent me a link for a ring that had the stone sitting lower, and it also had a garnet instead of a diamond in the middle. Hmm...a hint? I started looking at garnets as a possibility and found a ring that was of similar design to the one she showed me, but not exactly the same so she would still be surprised. I asked her to go to Wal-Mart and try on a ring or two and make sure the ring size we'd come up with was accurate (Wal-Mart had a PDF with a ring-sizing chart on it). We had both estimated her size to be 6 1/2, but it turned out a 6 fit better.
Armed with that knowledge, I went to Sears on Tuesday, June 8th. I had found a ring online that I liked. According to the website it was only available in a size 7, and when I got to the store it was confirmed. Oh well, resizing shouldn't be a big deal, right? After I'd paid for my purchases (I found a matching ring there for myself) and got the paperwork done for the resizing, I found out that the ring wasn't going to go out until the following Monday (June 14th) and it would take one to two weeks to get back. That was a problem because I was heading back down to visit Abi and propose on the 18th. The gal at the counter said she'd try to get it out Wednesday or Thursday. I ended up back at the store on Tuesday the 15th and found out it had gone out on Sunday the 13th. I was told it would likely come in by Friday, and I asked the gal at the counter that day to see if it could be rushed along any. No such luck. I joked with my coworkers about going to one of the gumball-type machines and getting a temporary ring that way, and when I mentioned that to Abi on Wednesday night, she liked the idea, but thought it would be okay to spend a little more than a quarter. Thursday morning when I got done with work I did a little shopping, hitting Wal-Mart, then Target, and finally Shopko where I found a nice sterling silver ring. It was a simple band with two hearts intertwined, and it seemed quite fitting.
So, armed with a ring, I made my way to Abi's after work Friday morning, June 18th. By the time I reached her house some good storm clouds were rolling in, and shortly after we got my stuff unloaded the storm hit. I was hoping it would blow over by that evening because I was planning to propose outside while on a walk. By the time I'd gotten a nap and we'd had supper, it was no longer storming out, though it was certainly quite wet. I didn't care, though, and after we finished eating we headed out for a walk.
We went out through the fields on a path we had frequented over the course of my visits, coming to the highest point on the farm, a place Abi had told me many times was her favorite place to go and be with God, in good times and bad. When I had visited Abi for the first time in December she had shown me the spot, and even then I thought it would be a good place to propose (how's that for planning? ;) ). Unfortunately when we got there I couldn't think of a single thing to say. I had been trying for two weeks to come up with something for this time, and I was completely blank. :P
We walked a little farther on and came to the northern edge of the field where we could go either to the right or to the left. We had come to a stop and Abi asked which direction we should go, and I figured that I had nothing to lose. I took her hand in mine (a first for us) and began pouring my heart out. It was scary yet at the same time incredibly liberating to be so free with my words. I was very caught up in the moment and can't remember too many specifics of what I said (not that I'd share a lot of them anyway ;) ). After I slipped the ring on her finger I wrapped her in the biggest hug I could and then we spent a long while talking about the future, praying, and watching both the lightning from a storm to the southeast and countless fireflies rising out of the field as stars winked one by one into view.
The "real" ring, which Joe gave Abi 2 weeks after the official proposal, and which was even more perfect than she had envisioned it could be. :)
Abigail: Susanna and I went up to MN and WI over Memorial Day weekend to meet a bunch more of Joe's relatives and friends. The 6-day trip was our longest time together in person so far, and as we had expected, it clarified a lot of things for both of us. By the end of the trip he asked me if I felt timing was right for him to ask my dad's blessing on our engagement. I'd been praying about it and was ready to agree to that. In some ways that "yes" was a more significant turning point for me than the official proposal itself. It was from that point on that I knew we would be getting married, although we just didn't know what the timeframe might be.
When Joe came down the very weekend after Memorial Day (we were quite spoiled being able to spend 12 out of 14 consecutive days together!), we talked about it some more in person and then he approached my dad later on Saturday evening. To our surprise, my dad didn't have any long list of further things to talk about, and the conversation/prayer time took only 15 minutes max - quite a contrast to the 9-hour interrogation Joe went through to gain permission to court me initially. ;) We'd prepared ourselves for the possibility of further delays or at least more discussion, so we were a little in shock that the "yes" had come so easily. Yay!!
But even then, I don't think the reality quite sunk in for me until Joe was ready to head back home the following afternoon. He said goodbye to my family and I walked out to his car with him, making small talk. As he turned to say goodbye, he said, "I suppose it wouldn't surprise you too much if I asked to measure your finger before I go? Just in case I get in the mood to do a little shopping in the next couple weeks..." ;) No, it didn't surprise me at all - nor was I surprised that he had already researched online how to measure ring sizes. One thing I like so much about Joe is the way he thinks ahead in practical ways and is so good about figuring things out before I'm even aware of the need to do so. We measured my finger, said a reluctant goodbye, he headed north, and I tried to sort through everything mentally. I'm getting married? Wow. :D
That night, during our usual AIM chat while Joe was at work (he rarely has much to keep him busy there, so I often stay up and keep him company), we started wedding planning for real. I still laugh a bit to think of how many things we covered that night, but I guess it's pretty typical for us and the way our minds work. We do enjoy planning ahead and figuring out the logistics of how things can work out best. And we make a pretty good team in that regard if I do say so myself. :) We have surprisingly similar tastes, even down to the details of things like colors and styles and every aspect of how we want the wedding to be. From that first evening on, we've had quite a bit of fun working on the wedding plans, even when we'd lots rather be doing something else, or when it seems like nothing is quite coming together as we'd wish. Joe has been a huge help all along: definitely not the typical guy who doesn't care to be involved at all, he's very helpful and supportive and full of good ideas.
So...we planned our wedding and our honeymoon and dreamed about our future for the next 12 days, and all without being officially engaged, lol. That's not a normal order of events, but it was just perfect for us. And I'm so thankful for that time God gave because I needed a chance to adjust to it all emotionally. Even when I realize a fact mentally, I tend to be very slow to catch up emotionally: takes a while for my excitement to fully kick in. Those 12 days gave me plenty of time for that, and by the time he came down again on June 18 I was more than eager for the proposal. I couldn't wait to having things truly "official" and to shout the news to the world. :D
Joe got here about 10:00 a.m. on Friday, June 18. Because he'd been up working all night, we only visited for an hour or so before he headed upstairs for a nap. I caught a bit of a nap myself and also did a little design work, trying to stay occupied. ;) By 4:00 Joe was up and around again, but it was raining...and then it was suppertime. He'd told me he planned to propose to me while we took a walk, and we sure wondered if the weather would cooperate or not.
By the time we finished supper, the skies were clearing off and we agreed it'd be a perfect evening for taking a walk, except it'd still be rather wet and muddy. By unspoken mutual agreement we headed out to the highest point on our farm, a spot that has been very special to me over the years. I have met with God there countless times, in joy and in tears, in confusion and in hopefulness. For years I'd been thinking that spot would be perfect for a proposal, but of course I'd never mentioned it to Joe.
I made a bit of small talk as we walked, and then grew quiet, wanting to give him opportunity to change the subject as he felt best. Reaching the highest point, we stood there and looked around a bit, silently enjoying the beautiful view. Still he said nothing...so we slowly walked on down the other side of the hill, slipping in the wet alfalfa. I figured it wouldn't hurt to walk around some more first anyway, and I was genuinely enjoying the time.
It was when we reached the end of the field and I asked if he wanted to turn to the left or the right that he reached for my left hand and said, "No, let's just stay here for now." Up until that point we'd had no physical contact except for hand-shaking at the beginning and end of each visit, so just the fact that he was then suddenly holding my hand was pretty significant - besides the fact that he was down on his knee in the wet grass. :) And then...well, only Joe and I will know what he said next. :) His awkwardness wore off after the first couple sentences, and even though he said he "wasn't inspired" I quite disagree because it was all very beautiful and just perfect. :) He stated, for the first time, that he loved me, and said he would be honored if I would not only be his best friend and his princess, but also his wife. I could only say, "It would be my privilege..." and then he was putting the ring on my finger and we gave each other what must have been the world's longest, tightest hug. :)
After a while we took turns praying aloud, thanking God for all He had done and committing our future to Him. I wish I could remember more precisely all that Joe included in his prayer because it was very special. We were quiet for a while, just enjoying being together...and then words began to come: words of appreciation for each other, marveling in God's ability to surprise us, snippets of dreams for our future, joyful laughter. It seemed as though we were alone in the universe, especially as the sun dipped below the horizon and all the sky was painted with the most incredible sunset I have ever seen. From east to west was a dome of puffy clouds all colors of the rainbow, and off in the far south-east remnants of the afternoon thunderstorm gave us a beautiful lightning show. As the colors slowly faded, the sky cleared off and the evening stars began to twinkle. And from the fields surrounding us, a million little fireflies rose up and began to dance and twirl around us in time to the birds' bedtime songs, like little sparkles of heaven's glory within arm's reach.
As I look back, there is no way the evening could have possibly been more perfect - save, perhaps, for the grass to not be so wet that we had to stand the whole time. But it was absolutely incredible, and I could not have imagined a more special proposal evening. No, it wasn't anything elaborate, and it wasn't even a surprise. But it was exactly what I had dreamed of for years, only much, much better. There's something far nicer about a real guy than an imaginary one, y'know. ;)
By the time we finally, very reluctantly walked back to the house, we were surprised to see that it was nearly 11:00. Hadn't seemed like half that long. :) We had nuts, mulberry pie and ice cream with my family to celebrate, and then took a few pictures. And I tried to get used to the feel of a ring on my finger. ;)
As time goes on, I continue to be amazed at this man God has given me - or, rather, surprised me with. I'm so thankful God gave me courage to give Joe a chance, and that He changed my mind. :) As Joe and I continue to build our relationship, I am realizing more fully just how perfect we are for each other. Our personalities, beliefs, preferences, and communication styles mesh together beautifully. I can't imagine any guy being kinder, wiser, gentler, or more loyal, and I truly count it a privilege to be able to serve as his helpmeet.
God is good. :D